Too Far
by DarkUnderworld
Summary: Raphael, his pride bruised more than his body, takes his anger out on on Leonardo, who pushes him much too far. A gift for Amonraphoenix


**Amonraphoenix is to blame for this fic. I had written a scene in another story, but she wanted it more desperate and brutal than I was willing to make it. And so as a gift to her I wrote this fic, just to satisfy the evil demon inslde her that craves angst and brotherly fluff, though never in equal measure;) **

**So a big giant thank you to you for all of your awesome ideas, support and awesome friendship! You rock!:D **

**For everyone else, please enjoy:)**

**P.S. I don't own the turtles, wish I did but sadly I don't...:(**

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Too far

The Rage burned, ripped and tore through him like a demon beast, possessing teeth, claws and a hunger for blood that consumed every last bit of him down to his very soul.

Raphael clenched his sais more tightly in a grip that was white knuckled and poised for swift and deadly action. His older brother had pushed him too far this time. Leonardo stood before, him his arrogant features set into chastising, unforgiving lines that only made the burning Rage flare more brightly and clamour more loudly for violence and release.

He couldn't seem to breathe, the Rage crushing his lungs tightly in an unforgiving grip, forcing him to pant between low growls that managed to slip from between his clenched teeth.

"Raph, how many times have I told you..." His brother began, his tone angry and disdainful, because Raphael couldn't be perfect like Leonardo. His older brother, the perfect son; the perfect pupil, the perfect ninja, and the one who never made a mistake, never ever brought shame, or embarrassment upon their family.

And yet again, his older brother was disciplining him as if he were a child, instead of a 25 year old adult. "You aren't my father." Raphael snarled, the words barely forming what could pass for as perceptible speech.

"Father left me in charge when he died." Leonardo said calmly, eyes narrowed in arrogant pride.

Raphael felt his knuckles crack as he squeezed his sais even more tightly, if that were even possible. The cool heavy weight of his weapons in his hands were raised in defence as if the steel could ward off his brother's scathing remarks and angry reprimands.

Raphael gritted his teeth, his jaw aching from clenching his jaw together so tightly that he wasn't even able to speak.

"Raph!" Leonardo snapped. "Are you even listening to me?" Leonardo yelled at him. "If you don't want me to treat you like a child, then stop acting like one!"

The accusation was like a hard punch to the gut that knocked the air from his lungs and left him breathless.

The Rage that had been consuming him swallowed him whole. The haze of red that had blurred his vision went black as he let out a roar of pure animalistic fury, lunging forward, and striking at his brother with the speed of a viper.

He wanted his brother to hurt as much as he hurt. He wanted the sting of his weapons to show Leonardo the feelings that he was unable to even put into words or express. He wanted the black hole of his brother's disappointment, that sat and festered in his heart, to be filled with something... anything.

Metal hissed upon metal as Leonardo unsheathed his swords, swiftly able to block his charge, giving a faint 'tsk' of disappointment as Raphael's sais screamed against Leonardo's Katana blades.

This faint sound only drove Raphael's Rage to even greater, dizzying heights. He lashed out, trying to knee his brother in the stomach, but his brother merely sidestepped his attack, bringing his arms down and hitting Raphael hard on his carapace as he stumbled forward. The blow caused Raphael to fall to the ground his cheek scraping across the rough surface of the stone floor.

"Enough, Raph." Leonardo barked angrily, his face set into annoyed, disapproving lines at Raphael's disappointing display of temper..

"Enough? ENOUGH!" Raphael roared. "It is NEVER ENOUGH for you, IS IT!" Raphael bellowed. "I am NEVER good enough, strong enough, smart enough, or obedient enough for you! I will never be able to live up to my BIG BROTHER." He spat angrily.

"I'm done." Leonardo said with disgust as he sheathed his weapons and turned away from Raphael.

"Well I'm not!" Raphael snarled as he launched himself at his brother's back. His brother dodged and spun quickly his right foot striking Raphael in the jaw, the roundhouse kick spinning Raphael in the air tumbling him to the ground, his sais flying from his grasp to land on the ground with a pathetic clatter of metal on stone.

"You know, Raph you are right." His brother said bitingly. "You _**aren't **_good enough, or strong enough, or even smart enough! You were Master Splinter's greatest disappointment and mine! You are NEVER going to win against me, Raphael, EVER! So just give it up and go take your temper somewhere else!" Leonardo ground out angrily.

Raphael lay there, stunned for a moment as Leonardo gave Raphael his hand to help him up. Raphael took his brother's hand and pulled him forward slightly. "Leo, you are such an arrogant BASTARD!" Raphael roared, the Rage screaming at him to keep fighting, as he yanked his brother completely off balance. Raphael stuck his foot on Leonardo's plastron and tossed his brother over his head. Leonardo twisted midair and easily recovered, but Raphael was already moving.

His fist struck Leonardo right in the jaw, causing him to stumble back slightly. Raphael was already on the offensive again, kicking his brother in the plastron and landing another savage blow to his jaw. Raphael spun, his own roundhouse kick just missing his brother's cheek as Leonardo threw himself backwards to avoid the blow.

But there was nowhere to go, Raphael having pushed Leonardo to the very edge of the circular pool of water that occupied the very center of the lair. Leonardo took his eyes off of Raphael for a brief moment to look behind him and that was all the opening Raphael needed. His fist lashed out, striking his brother in the stomach hard enough that Leonardo doubled over in pain, moving back enough that he tumbled backwards into the water. Raphael leapt it right after him, the water reaching mid-thigh, as his brother surfaced, sputtering indignantly.

Raphael grabbed his brother's shoulders shoving him hard beneath the surface of the water as the Rage ripped, and tore through him as his brother's head went under; Leonardo struggling furiously in his grip.

"I'm not good enough huh, Leo!?" Raphael roared at his brother who managed to push Raphael back enough that he was able to break the surface for a moment to take a struggling gasp of air before Raphael pushed his brother's head beneath the surface again. "Well screw you, Leo! Who's not good enough now!" He bellowed as the Rage surged through him again, causing him to pull his brother's head out again by the ties of his cerulean mask before dunking him back under. He repeated this action several times over and each time was more satisfying than the last.

(page break)

Leonardo glared at his younger brother as he tried to control his own fury, his mouth full of the bitter taste of anger. "Enough, Raph." Leonardo barked angrily. His frayed nerves and anger making him more exhausted than he should have been.

But his younger brother was too far past anything to be reasoned with. His brother's voice rose in a furious bellowing rage, his words disparaging towards himself and hurtful towards Leonardo.

Leonardo wanted his brother to change, had been willing his brother to try to curb his fiery temper, and his tendency to charge into any given situation without waiting for orders or for a plan.

"I will never be able to live up to my BIG BROTHER." Raphael raged, spitting out the words 'big brother', as if the they were something disgusting that left Raphael with such a horrendous taste in his mouth, that he couldn't get the words off of his tongue fast enough.

"I'm done." Leonardo said with disgust as he sheathed his weapons, and turned away from Raphael. He felt beyond exhausted, and he no longer wished to deal with his infuriated little brother throwing another hissy fit. Raphael's actions this evening had strained Leonardo to the breaking point, mostly from fear.

They had infiltrated one of the Shredder's many warehouses, but unbeknownst to them, they had walked into one of the Shredder's carefully orchestrated and deadly traps. Raphael had charged unheedingly ahead, thirsting for a fight as Leonardo tried to call his brother back, but to no avail. Suddenly a wall slammed down from the ceiling, cutting Leonardo and his other brothers off from Raphael. Leonardo's heart was gripped with cold fear and worry as they fought to disable the wall or find another route to save Raphael before he was injured, or worse... killed.

Donatello had managed to disengage the lock for the metal door, and they had been able to rush to Raphael's rescue. Leonardo, Michelangelo and Donatello had fought back their enemies, worried that Raphael had been seriously injured by the vicious beating. He had been lying in a pool of his own blood on the cold stone floor; battered, bloody and badly bruised, but thankfully, not seriously hurt by the vicious beating he had taken at the hands of over half a dozen black clad Foot Ninja.

Seeing Raphael not seriously hurt had brought a wave of relief flowing through him which -after their enemy had been defeated and sent packing- had sent a wave of hot fury through him. He had tried to control his anger as Donatello calmly patched Raphael up, but he was hard pressed to contain the scathing lecture that burned on his tongue.

Donatello and Michelangelo, not wanting to bear witness to another lecture, and the expected fist fight, had practically run from the lair to go and spend a comfortable evening at April's house; waiting for the inevitable fireworks back at home to finally cease.

And so Raphael, angry at his defeat at the hands of the Foot, had taken his rage out on his older brother, almost as if Raphael blamed Leonardo for his humiliating defeat.

Raphael attacked him again and again Leonardo was able to easily knock his younger brother to the ground. His brother's fury blinding him to any useful opening and making him slow and predictable. Raphael's sais clattered unwillingly to the ground, and Leonardo felt a moment's guilt for causing the brief look of defeat that rippled across Raphael's face so quickly, that Leonardo would have almost believed he had imagined the emotion.

The brief moment of guilt passed, and Leonardo feeling irritated, and still holding onto his anger by a only a slim thread, felt instead satisfaction at the brief show of defeat; because Leonardo firmly believed that it would be the only way for Raphael to finally learn a lesson. And so, feeling the need to be hurtful and to drive his point home, Leonardo said the most spiteful thing he could think of to say to Raphael. He told his younger brother exactly what he wanted to hear; that Raphael would never be good enough... strong enough... or smart enough; and that Master Splinter was disappointed in Raphael -which was true- but not in the way Leonardo implied. Master Splinter had only been disappointed that Raphael had been unable to learn to control his temper, their father had never been disappointed in Raphael in any other way. But his brother could not seem to believe this fact, and so Leonardo had dug the metaphorical blade more deeply into Raphael's heart and twisted it cruelly.

Raphael had paled at his harsh words, but paled even further when Leonardo told Raphael that he would never be able to defeat him... ever." This last barb, brutally thrown, sent stunned hurt and disbelief through Raphael's burning amber gaze, and Leonardo felt guilt consume him over his unkind and bitingly cruel words.

Leonardo let go of his anger, realizing that he had purposefully hurt his brother and regretting the action, gave his hand to help his brother up and apologize for every unkind and untruthful thing he had just said.

Raphael took Leonardo's hand pulling him in close, his amber gaze blazing to life with renewed fury as Raphael shouted at him and, yanking him forward, managed to get a foot on his plastron, sending him tumbling over his brother's head.

Leonardo easily recovered, but his brother was merciless in his attacks. It was all Leonardo could do to defend himself, his brother even managing to get in a few quick, savage blows.

Raphael pushed him back, but his attention was momentarily diverted when he felt his foot slide off of solid ground. He looked back and noticed that he had reached the edge of the circular pool that surrounded Donatello's huge computer. This momentary distraction was all Raphael needed to get by Leonardo's defences and kick him into the icy pool. Leonardo surfaced, indignant and irritated, but acknowledging to himself that he deserved the dunking. He had thought that Raphael would merely laugh and gloat at Leonardo's ignoble defeat, but instead Raphael continued his savage attack, shoving him hard beneath the surface of the icy water.

Leonardo struggled against his enraged brother, managing to push his brother back enough so that he was able to take a struggling, gasping breath of air before being pushed under the water's surface again.

His brother hauled him out, yelling something that was cut off every time his head was plunged beneath the surface of the water. Leonardo waited for his brother's anger to burn itself out. But it wasn't until he was no longer able to manage to take in a breath when Raphael pulled him up only to shove his head quickly back down the next instant, that Leonardo realized that his brother was not going to stop his assault.

Leonardo panicked, struggling against his brother even more when he had stopped pulling him out, and who now just held him under the water. His lungs began screaming for air as he let out a cry of terror. The bubbles floated to the surface and Leonardo saw his brother's face contorted with an unfathomable berserker rage.

_Oh, God, Raph, please stop!_ Leonardo shouted at his brother in his head, begging for his brother to let him up for a breath. _Raph! Please, please! I need to breathe! Raph! _Leonardo screamed in his head as his struggled in an attempt to loosen his brother's iron grip from his shoulders_._

Leonardo felt his heart constrict with fear at the thought that Raphael may actually kill him. He fought more savagely against his brother, if only to keep Raphael from enacting the horrific act of fratricide.

He fought, but soon realized that it was all in vain. His struggles had lessened as his lungs screamed and begged for the life giving oxygen that Leonardo knew would never come. He felt his vision begin to blur and blacken around the edges and he suddenly felt cold and numb; his body no longer responding to any order given to it by his brain. He looked at his brother's face through the distortion of the water's surface, and let out the last of his air.

The bubbles slowly wafted to the surface distorting his brother's face even more.

_I'm sorry, Raph._ Leonardo thought to himself bleakly. _I am so sorry that I said all of those awful things to you that weren't true. I was only angry because I was so worried. I'm sorry little brother. I love you, and I forgive you._

Leonardo closed his eyes then, not wanting the image of his brother's face, filled with furious rage, to be the last image he ever saw of his brother. Instead, he clung resolutely to the image of Raphael earlier that night, his face showing a flash of relief as Leonardo and the rest of their brothers burst through the metal door, saving Raphael from his brutal beating, and possibly even death itself.

He took this image with him, unable to resist the urge to breathe any longer, and took a deep breath, getting only water rushing into his lungs. His vision went black and Leonardo felt nothing more.

(page break)

Raphael fought his way through the black Rage that had consumed him. His brother's struggles had long since died away, and Raphael felt as if he was fighting to reclaim his own body. He felt as if he had been enveloped by something so all consuming, that he hadn't been able to think straight, let alone control his own actions.

He blinked a few times as if waking up from a trance, only to find his hands gripping Leonardo's shoulders tightly, pushing him beneath the surface of the pool. His brother did not struggle against him, but instead floated perfectly still, eyes closed, as if he were sleeping peacefully within the water's depths.

Horrified, Raphael quickly let go of his brother's shoulders. He fully expected Leonardo to open his eyes and stand up, angrily berating him for losing his temper and ruthlessly attacking him. But his brother's body remained on the bottom of the pool, listlessly floating just beneath the pristine, rippling surface.

Raphael's heart was suddenly gripped by the icy cold hand of absolute horror and dread as he stared at his unmoving brother in shock. Quickly, he grabbed Leonardo, hauling him from the pool and dragging him up and onto the stone floor.

He looked at his brother desperately waiting for him to wake up, to move, to do anything other than just lying there; head tipped to the side so that his cheek was pressed against the stone floor, with water dribbling slowly out from his blue tinged lips.

"Come on, Leo. I'm sorry okay? Joke's over." He growled as he watched for his brother's chest to rise and fall, but found that it remained heart wrenchingly still.

"Leo?" He asked in a small voice, as he tentatively reached out a shaking hand and placed two fingers on his brother's throat. He waited, expecting to feel something, a light fluttering even, but there was no movement from beneath his fingertips.

Spots danced before Raphael's eyes as a panicked cry of horror scrambled up and out of his throat. "No. No!" Raphael shouted furiously shaking his head in denial as he frantically shook his older brother's arm. "Leo!" He roared as his mind worked furiously hitting upon his next course of action. "Come on, Leo, wake up! Please don't make me kiss you." He said hoping for any tiny reaction from his brother, and saw nothing.

Tears pricked his eyes as he fought down the guilt, horror and panic that welled up from within him, trying to drag him into a miserable ball of quivering flesh, that would be useless in helping his brother in any way.

"You can do this." He said to himself as he positioned his brother flat on his carapace, tilting his head back and exposing his brother's air way. "Come on, Big Bro, I don't want you to be my first kiss." He said still hoping and praying that he had not done the unthinkable, and instead, Leonardo was just playing possum.

His brother gave no movement as Raphael pressed his lips against his brother's cold ones. He blew in a puff of air pulling away and giving three firm pumps to his brother's chest.

He desperately searched Leonardo's face and saw no signs of life. Raphael quickly breathed in another breath into his brother's motionless lungs, and pumped his chest another three times, but receiving the same reaction.

Raphael was consumed by a focused haze, his world narrowing down to nothing but his brother and himself as he struggled to save his brother's life; the life that Raphael had so cruelly stolen for no other reason than to feed his Rage.

Tears ran hotly down Raphael's cheeks as he sat back on his haunches, staring bleakly at what his temper had wrought. His brother was dead, because Raphael had killed him in cold blood. Raphael threw back his head and let out a guttural, keening roar of grief that echoed throughout the silent lair. His head dropped, chin falling to his chest as he closed his eyes as utter despair and grief washed over him.

A hand roughly pulled Raphael away. Donatello and Michelangelo were talking to him frantically, but he was unable to hear a word that they were saying.

Donatello must have barked some orders to Michelangelo because suddenly his baby brother was breathing into Leonardo's slack mouth, as Donatello pumped Leonardo's chest, briefly stopping his ministrations every few second, checking for a pulse, and continuing when he found nothing.

Raphael let the black wave of despair consume him as he watched his two younger brothers attempt to bring Leonardo back from Death's icy grip; but Raphael knew that Leonardo was gone forever. His big brother wasn't coming back, thanks to him.

Raphael brought his knees up to his chest and clasped his arms around them tightly. He began rocking himself back and forth repeating _I'm sorry_ under his breath over and over again. Angry, self loathing tears burned down his cheeks, like twin streams of molten lava, blazing a down a trail of guilt and betrayal.

_I betrayed my brother and killed him in cold blood, because I was angry. _He thought to himself wretchedly.

_Leonardo shouldn't have fought so hard to save me earlier this evening_. Raphael thought to himself bitterly. _If only Leonardo had been unable to reach me in time, at least his older brother would still be alive. I would probably have been killed, but considering the events of this evening, it would at least have been an honourable death._ He thought to himself mournfully

His heart was shattered, and his soul was torn to shreds by the realization at what a true monster he really was. He had always fought against the monsters that lurked in the shadows, never knowing that he was the worst of them.

Michelangelo let out an excited shout. Raphael's head snapped up sharply, and watched as Leonardo coughed up a lungful of water. Donatello quickly rolled Leonardo onto his side, firmly patting his carapace, and whispering encouraging words as Leonardo gasped in weak, pitiful wheezing gasps of air, while hacking out great mouthfuls of icy water.

Leonardo blearily opened his eyes and looked straight into Raphael's heart and soul. Raphael wanted to scramble over to Leonardo's side and wrap him up into his arms begging his big brother for forgiveness and weeping great tears of joy; but instead Raphael felt frozen to the spot, unable to move.

Leonardo reached out a weak, shaking hand towards Raphael. At first Raphael believed it was in accusation, but his brother's eyes held no such emotion, only forgiveness and love. Raphael shuffled forward, drawn by his brother's weary gaze as he buried his face in his brother's cold chest, and wept great, heaving, broken sobs, knowing that he could never accept his brother's forgiveness, because he didn't deserve it.

Leonardo weakly patted Raphael on the head, his other hand rubbing small circles across Raphael's scarred carapace. "I'm sorry, Raph." He managed to croak out in a voice softer than a whisper.

These words only made Raphael shake his head in agony. "I'm the one... I'm the one who... who should be apologizing." Raphael stammered wretchedly as he clung to his brother. "You can't forgive me. I won't let you." He whispered out between heart breaking sobs.

Donatello gently pried Leonardo from Raphael's grip, and Raphael knew that when Leonardo told his family what he had done, the faces that looked at him right now in loving concern, would change to hatred and revulsion.

Michelangelo carefully helped Leonardo to stand, draping Leonardo's shaking arm across his shoulders. Raphael looked away and closed his eyes. His head was hung low, choked with shame and self loathing. He was unable to speak or even breathe; not that he would or ever could defend his brutal and near deadly actions.

No matter the provocation, there were no excuses, and no apologies that could be accepted for such a horrific act.

"I tripped." Leonardo gasped out as he coughed wetly a few more times. Donatello quickly warned Leonardo to take it easy, and not to talk for a few moments.

Raphael's head shot up in shock; his eyes snapping open at the deftly told lie. Raphael opened his mouth in protest but Leonardo continued to talk.

"I must have hit my head when I fell. I suppose Raph pulled me from the pool." He said rubbing at his head to cement the lie.

Raphael shook his head wildly from side to side, not able to stand the thought that Leonardo was lying to their brothers, to protect him.

Raphael opened his mouth again to tell his brothers the horrific truth, when Leonardo broke away from Michelangelo's supportive grip, and wrapped Raphael in a cold, yet somehow comforting embrace. "It's okay, Raph... it's okay."

"Leo..." He whimpered his voice breaking with guilt laden misery.

"You're my little brother, it's my job to protect you." Leonardo said softly in Raphael's ear. "And sometimes that means protecting you from yourself and from me." Leonardo pulled back slightly, looking Raphael straight in the eyes. "I love you, Raph. Nothing you could do will ever change that. I will always forgive you, not matter what happens." He said with a warm smile that nearly broke Raphael's heart in two.

"I love you too, big brother." He whispered back brokenly as he clutched his big brother closer to his heart, his head resting against Leonardo's throat. The strong beat of Leonardo's heart -a sound he had never thought to hear again- comfortingly thumping away in his brother's chest.

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**Thoughts and opinions are always welcome:)**


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